Powers of Love
Written at 6:13 p.m. on 2005-11-29
It's funny how thought processes can sometimes wander all over the map. Exploring all the nuances of the word 'love'. It's something I've thought about a lot lately. Is it possible that a person could love another and never tell them - yet the other's life is blessed by this love? Or is it just a hopeless thing, never to be spoken... Just because it can't be?
I favor the first school of thought, that it blesses the life of the loved. Love is an intrinsically human emotion that is vital to us all; every one has to love someone/something. And it's nice to think that that love has a justification, a reason for being--even if it is only as a silent benediction on another's life--for everything needs a reason. Human logic dictates reason, else all would be chaos and things would simply happen in a random order. I don't know if that explained what I'm thinking and feeling right now. But I'm not perfect, I need a justification just like everyone else... So, ha.
And because I need to say this... I have loyalty issues with loving/liking male persons. It's really quite stupid, because I stick with one person for a long time--they usually never have a clue, which is better than them knowing and me being ridiculed--and like/love them for ages, despite the ineffable idiocy of it all. I suppose you could say I'm naturally a loyal person, and I can't help loving the innate goodnesss in others, even when everyone else thinks they're nuts or have thinking problems. (Maybe everyone else has authority issues and it's normal to feel like that. Heaven knows I get irritated with him too...) I'm not saying I'm in love with this person, because I'm not sure I know exactly what real love is. Maybe I'm starting to learn. And everything is practice, even the real thing, all so you can get better and better and grow old with the "one true love of your life." Not sure if I believe in the one love thing. But I do know that loving someone is a choice, helped along by personality compatibleness and looks and character. But it's still a choice, albeit mostly unconcious. Most things in life are choices. And perhaps we choose to love some people to give ourselves a happy escape and make our lives happier. A person can't live without love; it's simply impossible. And horribly lonely.
And I'm rambling. But isn't that the purpose of a diary, after all? Makes you feel better and stuff...and stuff.